Have you ever said, “I want to have it all”? That’s human nature. We want to have a meaningful life – a career, family, friends, and financial freedom. As a young adult, I wanted to do it all and have it all. Being goal-oriented and ambitious, I was anxious to achieve my goals and dreams. I wanted to have it all now! The problem is, we can’t do it all and have it all – at least not all at once. However, we can have it all over a lifetime. That’s an important distinction.
Years ago, a wise woman introduced me to the concept of life stages, which really helped me put life into perspective. At certain stages of our life, certain things are more important than others. And our priorities change over time. For example, as a young adult, I was focused on earning a college degree, and then establishing a career. As single adults, we oftentimes have more time to devote to our career. We’re anxious to prove ourselves in the work world.
Once children come along, everything changes. As new mothers, we find that our time is not our own. Our life revolves around our infant who is totally dependent upon us. When we have young children, they become our focus. Many women put their career on the back burner during this time. They’re willing to invest more in their kids than in their career. Trudy Triner scaled back to part-time work after her son was born. She did consulting work from home two days a week. “That was the right thing for me to do,” says Trudy. “I’ve never regretted it for one second.” As their children grow older, many women put more energy into work and advancing their careers. Finally, once women retire, they have more time to enjoy grandkids, travel, and get more involved in church or community activities.
To apply the concept of life stages: 1) outline your life stages, 2) determine your priorities at each stage, and 3) plan accordingly. As a young woman, I knew I wanted to go into business for myself, but the timing wasn’t right. I had two young children, and didn’t have the time or energy to invest in starting a business. Embracing the concept of life stages helped me be patient enough to start my business when the timing was right. Currently, I dream of being more involved in ministry at my church. However, I know once I retire, I’ll have a lot more time to focus on ministry. By applying the concept of life stages, you CAN have it all – over a lifetime!
Ashley has a demanding career and two young children. Between work and family, she has no time for anything else. She rarely sees friends and ends up putting herself last. Sound familiar? With limited time, many women feel frustrated with conflicting priorities. For many of us, there’s a disconnect between what we value and how we spend our time. For example:
- We value time with our children, but we have to work long hours and also travel on the job.
- We enjoy spending time with our spouse, but our weekends are filled with household chores, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. instead of quality time with our spouse.
- We value good health, but we can’t find time to exercise. We eat meals on the go which are unhealthy, and then end up feeling tired or sick.
After weeks, months and even years of not being able to live like we want, we give up and accept that this is the way it’s going to be. But it doesn’t have to be this way! You don’t have to be at the mercy of your job and other people. Instead of feeling angry and resentful, make up your mind to change what you have and what you do. You can make changes.
Start by making a list of what you value in life (family? friends? health? career? charitable service? leisure time? etc.). Then track your time and record how many hours you spend each week devoted to each item on your list. In order to focus more time on your values and priorities, schedule time on your calendar for these things – such as reading to your kids, spending time with your spouse or friends, exercising, etc. Then follow through and devote the time.
If you’re able to successfully realign your time and activity with your values, you’ll gain valuable benefits. You’ll understand the true tradeoff between time and money, have deeper relationships with your spouse and children, and have more “free time” to spend as you like.
For more information on balancing work and life, listen to the audio “The Balancing Act: Managing Work and Life“.
I love quotes and often use them in my presentations. Here are some of my favorite quotes on work-life balance. Some of them are quite profound. They get you to think about priorities, choices, boundaries, and the importance of taking time for yourself. Sometimes a quote will impact you in a way that really helps. As you read them, think about your own challenges in balancing work and the rest of your life. See if there’s one quote that really resonates with you. Then write it on a 3×5 card and put it in a place where you’ll see it often. This can serve as a daily reminder.
Here are the quotes:
“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” – Betsy Jacobson
“Work, love and play are the great balance wheels of man’s being.” - Orison Swett Marden
“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” - Barbara de Angelis
“We have overstretched our personal boundaries and forgotten that true happiness comes from living an authentic life fueled with a sense of purpose and balance.” - Dr. Kathleen Hall
“I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time.” - Oprah Winfrey
“A well developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.” - William Arthur Ward
“The Gift of Balance in Your Life – May you find the balance of life, time for work but also time for play. Too much of one thing ends up creating stress that no one needs in their life.” - Catherine Pulsifer
“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it.” - Charles Buxton
Please share your favorite quote with other readers.
Because of the many demands on our lives, many of us do not spend time on the things that are most important to us. Take a look at what your life centers around. What are you driven by? Where do you spend your time?
For some, it’s family or friends. Although family is important, it is possible to become imbalanced. Some people, women in particular, tend to the needs of others at their own expense. Many of us have been socialized to be caregivers and nurturers. We become so focused on others, that we forget our own needs, especially when it comes to getting enough rest or exercise. One of my past clients told me, “Between work & family, I put myself last. Some days I get so busy, I don’t take time to eat. Now that I’m middle-aged, I need to be concerned about my health too.”
When we’re so focused on our marriage or our family to the exclusion of all else, then if we divorce or a spouse dies, we are devastated. We can lose the one thing that we hold most dear. Our life feels like it’s crashing in on us.
For some, their center is their work. Some people stake everything on their career. They invest time and energy into their careers at the expense of other areas. Then if they lose their job, they are devastated, because their self-worth is tied up in their job.
I was an example of career imbalance. Years ago, I was married, working full-time at a high-tech firm, and going to school. My goal was to earn my MBA to further my career. I spent all my time working, studying and going to school. I’d get up at 6:00 a.m., go to work, work at least ten hours, come home, cook dinner, clean up, and then ‘hit the books’ until about 11:00 o’clock at night when I would fall into bed exhausted. As a result I had no time for anything else. I had no time for my husband much less myself.
My hectic schedule was affecting my marriage. My husband finally put his foot down. He said, “This is not my idea of a marriage. You’re so busy, we never see each other. Something has got to change, or this isn’t going to work.” That’s when it hit me. I realized that my priorities were out of whack. I was so caught up in the ‘rat race’. I was so intent on pursuing my career, that I had totally lost sight of what was truly important to me.
What about you? Is your work so all-consuming that you’re ignoring other important areas of your life? Are you living your life according to your priorities? A good way to test this is to look at your calendar for the past week. How did you spend your time? Then compare it with your most important priorities. Do they align? If you’re like most people, the answer is “no”. If so, then you need to make some changes in your life.
My wake-up call occurred more than 20 years ago. That was the start of my life balance journey. I made changes in order to focus on my values and priorities. By living your life according to your purpose, values, and priorities, you’ll experience greater peace and fulfillment.
To learn more about living a balanced life, listen to the audio “The Balancing Act: Managing Work and Life”.
Balancing work and life is one of the most challenging issues working women face. In fact, 90% of American mothers report work-family conflict (according to a Center for American Progress report). The demands of work and family can be overwhelming.
Here are 10 tips to help you find the balance that’s best for you.
1. Keep a time log. Track everything you do and the time spent on each activity for one week. Include work-related and non-work related activities, such as meetings, projects, commute time, household chores, time with family or friends, etc. Take a look at how you’re spending your time. Decide what’s necessary and satisfies you the most. Then determine what can be cut out.
2. Carve out time for important activities. Schedule time on your calendar for your most important activities – work or non-work related. If you have an important project that’s due at the end of the week, block out time on your calendar to work on it. Treat it as a meeting. If you and your spouse rarely have time together, then schedule a date night once a week.
3. Set boundaries. Be able to say “no” to the unimportant things. Cut out activities that are unnecessary. When you receive a request that will put you into overload, tactfully say “no”, or negotiate the timeline or the deadline of the project to make it more manageable.
4. Manage your time. Use a daily “to-do” list, and prioritize your list. Then tackle the “A” priority items first. Manage interruptions and distractions at work. Organize household tasks efficiently. Keep a family calendar of important dates. To learn more about time management, order Take Control of Your Time CD.
5. Take advantage of your options. Find out if your employer offers flex hours, a compressed work week, job-sharing or telecommuting for your position. The flexibility may relieve some of the stress and free up some time.
6. Rethink your cleaning standards. An unmade bed or a sink of dirty dishes won’t impact the quality of your life. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper!
7. Take time for yourself. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as walking the dog, reading a novel, or working out. Unwind after a hectic workday by practicing yoga, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music.
8. Get enough sleep. There’s nothing as stressful as working when you’re sleep-deprived. Not only is your productivity affected, but you also make costly mistakes.
9. Build your support network. Talk with a trusted friend or co-worker during times of stress or hardship. Ensure you have friends or relatives who can assist you when you have to work overtime or travel for your job.
10. Fight the guilt. Remember, having a family and a job is okay – for both men and women. Don’t feel like you need to live up to the standards of your mom who may have been a stay-at-home mom.
Now you have some suggestions for balancing work and the rest of your life. Why not take the next step and give these suggestions a try?