Nicole Gingerich, Senior Administrative Assistant at McGladrey, was named one of four 2011 Working Mothers of the Year by Working Mother magazine. What’s unique about Nicole is that she’s the only single mother that was awarded this honor. Not only that, but she’s faced major health issues in her family. Here’s her story (excerpted from Working Mother magazine, November 2011 issue).
Nicole is an inspirational single working mom who has persevered through multiple obstacles to find resourceful and creative ways to break through barriers and deal with difficult issues. Her daughter, Madelyne, was diagnosed with systemic juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (RA) at 18 months. And yet, despite having endured more medical poking and prodding than most of us will experience in a lifetime, Madelyne still has a ready smile, sometimes mischievous twinkling eyes and a bubbly personality – all due to her mom.
With help from a very supportive family and McGladrey’s work life flexibility policies, Nicole is able to act on a moment’s notice when Madelyne’s RA flares. Nicole does so with confidence, knowing that her team covers for one another at work. Indeed, despite her own ongoing emotional and financial strain, Nicole inspires her team with her generosity of time, energy and finances when she sees another in need.
Always hopeful for a cure and proactive in the quest, Nicole works closely with the Arthritis Foundation and recently captained a local Arthritis Walk team to raise awareness and research support.
Do you take time just for you? If you’re like most working moms, the answer is ‘no’. In my polls of working women, nearly half indicated that “finding time for myself” was one of the biggest work-life challenges they faced.
Women, in particular, don’t take good care of themselves. By nature we are care givers and nurturers. We don’t need social pressure to transform us into emotional resources for the family. We are programmed somehow that spending time on ourselves will be at the expense of the family, so we…don’t. We are so focused on meeting the needs of others that we forget our own needs. Or downplay them.
Maria, Director of Faculty Development at a large community college district in Arizona told me: “Between work and family, I put myself last. Some days I get so busy, I don’t take time to eat. And now that I’m middle-aged, I need to be concerned about my health too.”
We need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others. I think of the airlines; they had it right. Think back to your last flight. At the beginning of each flight, they go through a safety spiel, and it goes something like this. “In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the overhead compartment. Place the mask over your face and tighten the straps.” Then they go on to say, “If you are traveling with a small child (or someone who is acting like a child!), then please secure the mask on yourself first, and then assist the child with their mask.” The point is this: we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others, to be the best we can be in each of our roles as wife, mother, and businesswoman.
If you don’t get off the treadmill and take leisure time, there will be serious effects. Lynn was a middle-aged manager at HP, a driven and ambitious woman who worked long hours and always strived to do her best. Like many others, she describes herself as a perfectionist. Because she kept pushing herself beyond her limits, Lynn landed in the hospital with a life-threatening illness. The doctor informed her family she may not make it. Miraculously she did, but while in her hospital bed, Lynn reflected on how she’d been living her life. She knew she’d been given a second chance. This was Lynn’s wake-up call; she made a 180 degree turn, changing jobs to take on a position with far less stress, a position where she no longer managed people but projects. She found time to spend with family and friends. She stopped to smell the proverbial roses and enjoy life. Today, Lynn is happy, healthy and productive. “My friends can’t believe I’m the same person.”
Taking care of you is not selfish; it is necessary for your health and well-being. And anything that keeps you away from being yourself will cause you stress. You matter. And when you believe it and embrace it, you’ll experience freedom.
Do you long for quality family time in the evenings — time to share a meal together, bedtime stories with the kids, and one-on-one time with your husband? As busy working mothers, we’re often involved in lots of activities that can take us away from family. Some women have demanding jobs that involve evening meetings or overnight travel. Others are involved in outside activities, such as professional associations, church or volunteer activities. All of these activities are good, except that they can pull us away from time spent with family.
So how can you balance your outside activities with family? Here are five tips to balance evening commitments with family life.
- Review the calendar at the beginning of the week. Sit down with your spouse to review schedules for the upcoming week; including meetings, night school, your kids’ activities, and any other special events. This allows you to coordinate schedules, car pools, and family time.
- Only attend what you must attend. Do you really need to attend four events this week? You may think you need to be involved in everything, but instead do a careful review. How important is each activity? And how do they align with your core values? Maybe it’s not necessary to attend Bunko this week when you already have a work and a church commitment this week.
- Practice the Two-Night rule. The two-night rule says that you won’t attend more than two evening commitments in a given week. If you are gone two nights a week and your spouse is gone two nights a week, then that gives you three nights together. I found that if I was gone more than two nights a week, it put added pressure on my husband and the kids would miss me.
- Schedule a family night. Every Sunday we schedule family time. We may all be going in different directions during the week, but Sundays are family time. We take turns choosing the activity; such as going out to dinner, playing games, watching a movie, or any number of other activities. We always look forward to this time to relax and enjoy each other’s company.
- Reward yourself and your family. If you have a week where you absolutely must attend several evening events, reward your family with a fun outing or just some relaxing “hang-out” time together on the weekend. Forget the household chores, and just enjoy your time together. Having that to look forward to will help you get through a grueling week.
How do you balance evening commitments with family life? Please share with other readers.
Do you try to do it all – the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caring for children? In two-career families, women still take on the primary responsibility of home and child care. Studies show that women do 75% of the household chores – even when they hold jobs outside the home. You may feel compelled to do it all, because of a combination of a need for control, guilt, and self importance. However, the more you do for your husbands and kids, the more they depend upon you and the more entitled they feel, which keeps you running around serving them. The result is that you hit a wall of exhaustion!
If this describes you, then you need to delegate. Remember, you don’t need to do it all! Share the load. Can your husband and kids take on more responsibility? Our goal as parents is to raise responsible, self-reliant children. The best way for them to learn is by doing. We also want to model teamwork and collaboration – that is, mommy and daddy sharing the domestic load.
Here are steps to delegate at home.
Decide what to delegate. Analyze the job or task, and ask yourself, “Can anyone else do it?” Learn to let go and allow someone else to dust or vacuum.
Decide who to delegate to. Balance the challenge and types of tasks with the person’s interests and skills. Even young children can empty wastebaskets or fold laundry. Hold a family meeting and find out what chores family members prefer.
Assign the task. Give clear, specific instructions with a deadline. With specific instructions, it’s more likely to get done correctly. You may need to train children to do the household task. Share how the task will contribute to the household. For example, “If you clean the cat litter box regularly, then we’ll avoid the nasty smell in the house”.
Follow up. Check in to see how it’s going. Offer support if needed. Most importantly, say thank you and recognize success. For example, “Thank you for mopping the floor. Look how it sparkles!”
The challenge with delegating, however, is that you don’t have control over the outcome. Others may not do the task as well as you. You need to let go, and stop being a perfectionist. The benefit is that your kids learn responsibility and feel respected. Not only that, but you’ll feel less exhausted and have more energy at the end of the day.
Did you know that when parents are involved in their children’s education, their children do better in school? Yes, that’s right! In fact, research has shown that when parents are involved, students have higher grades, test scores, and graduation rates. Also, they have better school attendance, are better behaved, and have more positive attitudes toward school. Ultimately, your children grow up to be more successful in life.
As a working mother, how can you become more involved in your child’s school? Here are several tips.
- Attend back-to-school nights, student exhibits, and other school events. Get to know the teachers. Listen to their plans and what they hope to accomplish with their students.
- Attend Parent/Teacher association meetings. Voice your hopes and concerns for your child and for the school. Help organize meetings around your interests and those of other parents.
- Offer to tutor students. If you’re comfortable with technology, volunteer to be a computer tutor for students and teachers.
- Offer to help in the office or the cafeteria or to chaperone field trips and other outside events.
- Agree to serve on parent advisory groups to your school. They may involve everything from school policies and programs to classroom curriculum.
- If you’re unable to volunteer in the school due to your work schedule, look for ways to help from home. Call other parents to tell them about school-related activities, edit the school newsletter, or make educational materials for teachers.
Your efforts to be involved in your child’s school will not only help your child, but also help to make better schools!